


Things Have Changed For Me

by theoneandonlyoongi



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi's not a jerk I promise, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, I'm Sorry, M/M, if i tell you what the au is it'll give away the plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-10-26 21:17:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10794927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theoneandonlyoongi/pseuds/theoneandonlyoongi
Summary: Bokuto wonders why Akaashi won't look at him.





	Things Have Changed For Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [moonprismtaehyung](https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonprismtaehyung/gifts).



> Its 12 in the morning enjoy the angst.

 

He wonders why Akaashi doesn’t look at him anymore.

 

(It hurts)

 

He doesn’t remember quite when it started, or what he even did, really. Did they just grow apart? Bokuto never thought so, but Akaashi always felt _distant_. Like he was something never to be touched.

He wonders if Akaashi remembers, because he sure does. He remembers picnics on bright days in the little stretch of land by the lake. Does Akaashi remember when Bokuto’s sandwich was stolen by a bird? How he had worked so hard on that food and was sad it had gone to a bird. But Akaashi had laughed, and that made everything worth it.

 

Does Akaashi still laugh like he used to? Like nothing could stop him?

(But something did, something always does. He just wonders how he missed it)

  


Bokuto sees Akaashi crying.

 

He never wants to see it again, he never wants to see the heartbroken look on Akaashi’s face ever again if he has too. Bokuto doesn’t know what to do. Did he do something? _What is he supposed to do_? Akaashi won’t talk to him and Bokuto feels utterly shut out from his pain. When had that two young lovers from high school turned into this?

Sometimes he thinks he’s an idiot. For not knowing, for not seeing, for everything.

Bokuto tells himself that he needs to stop worrying, that it’s bad for his health. But lately, he wonders what’s happening to him, because he can’t feel anything. He’s been wondering a lot lately. He curses himself for not knowing anything. Like it’s his fault Akaashi won’t talk to him.

  


He’s late. He’s late, he’s late, he’s late. He had lost track of time browsing the books at the local library. It was stupid to spend so much time there. He didn’t even read anything, just wandered, staring at the book titles, hoping that the names of the authors could give him some much sought after advice. He thinks he fell asleep on one of the chairs in the back where nobody ever goes.

But that’s not the issue. The _issue_ is that he’s late to get home and he’s late to dinner with Akaashi. This can’t possibly do him any good. He’s fairly positive Akaashi hates him, or something.

He manages to make it anyways. But, even as he calls Akaashi’s name with a smile, he finds it turning into a frown. He sees the remains of a dinner for one on the kitchen counter.

Akaashi must be more angry than he could have imagined.

 

(Although it was a common occurrence for Akaashi to ignore Bokuto throughout dinner, this was a low blow)

 

He visits Akaashi at work. He knows exactly where the shop is. This comes at no surprise, Akaashi had been so happy when he got the job, so how could Bokuto forget?

He’s always loved the florist shop. It was so pretty, adorned with flowers of all colors. He’s happy to find that it’s still colorful and blooming, flowers spilling out of pots. At this point, it’s probably one of the last colorful places anymore.

 

He watches as Akaashi hums and waters a batch of lilies. He spots another man behind the counter, manning the cash register and selling a rather large bouquet to an elderly lady. She thanks him and leaves, leaving Akaashi and his coworker alone in the store. The man says something with a smile on his face and a gentle look at Akaashi. Akaashi looks down and says something back, and the man’s smile grows.

 _What are they saying!_ Bokuto yells to himself, and moves closer to the store in the hopes of hearing them. He begins to make out a couple of words.

 

“...really pretty.” the man says, “thanks.” Akaashi returns, a blush blooming on his face.

  

He watches the man move around the counter and get closer to Akaashi.

 

“....date….with me?”  the man asks with that stupid cocky grin. Akaashi looks like he’s having trouble breathing. Bokuto is too. _Heck, are his lungs even working?_ He can only call this self-inflicted tortures, because he can only watch as the man leans in and plants his lips on Akaashi’s. Bokuto runs. He doesn’t know what else to do.

 

(What he doesn’t see, that is, is Akaashi roughly forcing the man away from him, before collapsing on the ground in a fit of tears, unable to breathe at all.)

  


Bokuto is so lonely. It feels like the world is looking right past him. He yearns for company.

 

(Bokuto’s liked being alone in the past, but he’s never quite enjoyed being lonely. It never quite fit him right.)

 

Bokuto finds Akaashi asleep on the couch, footage of their wedding still playing on the TV. He wonders when he forgot they were married. He thinks it might be because Akaashi’s taken off his ring, discarding it on the side table in the bedroom. He softly places his hand on Akaashi’s head, watching him pitifully while he sleeps. He savors the warm, soft feeling of Akaashi’s head. Slowly, a single tear falls down Akaashi’s cheek. Bokuto notices. He doesn’t move, staying with Akaashi for the rest of the night, leaving right before he knows Akaashi will wake up. He never wants to leave, but he has to.

 

(Maybe, it’s his time to go.)

 

Bokuto finds depression pills in Akaashi’s cupboard. He wonders how he never noticed.

 

Akaashi’s dressed in black with a flower in his hand and he’s going somewhere. At first, Bokuto lets cruel thoughts cloud his mind and wonders if he’s going on that date with that stupid guy with the cocky grin from the florist’s.

But, as he trails Akaashi a little further, he comes to the conclusion that there is no way Akaashi’s headed towards a date. It’s a little while until Akaashi reaches his destination, and it isn’t until he’s inside that Bokuto realizes it’s a cemetery. He wonders if it’s the grave of a dead relative Akaashi’s visiting. He hopes it is. Akaashi arrives at a grave. Bokuto is afraid to get any closer. He does, anyway.

 

It reads:

 

In loving memory,

Bokuto Koutarou

 

Bokuto see’s the faint outline of Akaashi leaning on the grave, his grave, completely broken down in tears. But he’s already crying himself. It’s the broken, ragged kind of crying. The ugly, gross sobbing kind. Bokuto can’t help it, he falls.

 

(This isn’t the first time Bokuto’s fallen. He’s fallen on the court, fallen in love, and fallen onto Akaashi, pushing him out of the way of a speeding truck. It was a lethal blow, but Bokuto wouldn’t have had it any other way. He’d give his life for Akaashi every time.)

 

Bokuto thinks Akaashi can see him. Somehow, Bokuto can feel Akaashi’s eyes on him. He know’s it’s a false hope, but he desperately wishes Akaashi is watching, and he mouths _I’m sorry_ and _I love you_ with the faintest hope that he is.

 

(He is. Akaashi knows. Yet he still wishes he could hold Bokuto one more time, say goodbye one more time. He’ll have to settle for _I’m sorry_.)

  


_fin_

**Author's Note:**

> AAAAAAAAAAA
> 
> thats all i have to say
> 
> (ok i have one more thing to say : its a sixth sense au but shhh)


End file.
